Peering through the Glass of the Transfer Window

Twice a year, whilst it’s open I wake up every morning with the excitement and anticipation of a child waiting for Christmas.  I reach over to my phone, go on the BBC Sport Transfer Gossip and scan through the news anxiously wondering which spurious source is linking my team with which wonder player they can’t afford.  Transfer window is the right word.  I sit with my nose and hands pressed up against the grubby glass looking on with jealousy whilst teams pick up ridiculously overpriced players they can adore until they move on in a couple of years to the next highest bidder.  The marquee signing – it’s very IN this season.  Neymar to Barcelona, Falcao to Monaco, potentially Bale to Real Madrid.  It’s all go isn't it?  I think it’s just a way of clubs and rich owners showing off.  Arsene Wenger made the valid point that this is supposed to be the year the financial fair play rule comes in, and some of the figures being bandied about make a joke of it. 

My favourite part of the window is the Sky Sports News coverage of absolutely no movement whatsoever.  If I hear Gareth Bale’s name one more time I think I may explode.  Well that or make a voodoo doll of Jim White and stuff his mouth with cotton wool.  The Rooney saga is no better with multiple clips of Wayne getting in and out of cars, walking along corridors etc etc, it’s fascinating stuff.  I sometimes wish we could fast forward all of the talk until the season starts or the player has actually signed for the club.  At least this time we shouldn't see too much of Harry hanging out of his car window giving interview after interview about his transfer targets hoping that he may one day get his hand on the England job thanks to the backing of the media.

Don’t get me wrong I love the final 24 hours and all the last minute action.  This year I hope to see Darren Bent parachuting into a clubs training ground with 5 minutes to go until the window slams shut.  I want to see Gareth Bale completing his medical on a speedboat blasting his way to Madrid.  Or Ibrahimovic on the Eurostar racing to London frantically looking for a pen to complete the signing of the legal documents whilst the countdown music is playing.  How about Balotelli piloting a camouflage helicopter to the centre of Paris, getting on the back of a moped and making it to PSG whilst the Mission Impossible theme tune is playing?  Or Mourinho collecting Rooney from the helipad on the back of quad bike and racing to Stamford Bridge just beating the chimes of Big Ben?  These are all sights I would love to witness, all backed by the dependable narration of the excitable Jim White. 

Who cares about a marquee signing anyway?  My club is going to make a Big Top signing to trump them all.